“There are signs everywhere” – that was one of the taglines in the movie ‘Fools Rush In’. It just hit me as I stare outside at nothing in particular towards the grey city, buzzing but silent through the toughened glass, with the blue waters in the background.
I am particularly blue today. And on level 42. The two don’t mix well together. You shouldn’t be blue if you get to work at level 42. And you definitely shouldn’t be on level 42 if you are blue.
It’s been confusing, the past few days.
Make it happen, choose your own path… I thought that’s what I was finally trying to do – making choices that were bold, but risky. Trying to look for options more closely aligned to my interest area. And after going through quite a few hurdles with negotiating a release, and finding a replacement, a close friend informs me about the high bench strength in the company at the moment. Club it with the fact that I cannot see any suitable openings anymore, I am left asking myself, “Have I just shot myself in the foot?”. Like the quote above, is this a sign that I am driving down the wrong side of the road?
If there are signs, why weren’t they talking to me the last few months when I’d set things in motion? And if they were, why the about turn now?
So I have a choice – to either read the signs as an indication to withdraw or as an indication to come up with a stronger plan of action to keep moving forward. I remember a piece of advice from a friend, “Once you have decided, don’t look back.”. And I am tempted. But then again, will I be a fool to prepare for things that are beyond my control?
For now, and for my sanity, I am just going to force my eyes away from the window, take a few long, deep breaths and tell myself once again ‘One step at a time, one day at a time…’.